SMS Battle

It has been 1 month plus I have not come here... Which is actually a good sign, at least for me... Usually, I only come in when I am feeling down or something have gone wrong.. Here I am again..

This came a day late.. Have been wondering if I shd joint down my feelings... I decided to do so.. On Fri night, I had a quarrel with a fren… I don’t know if I shd be treating this as a quarrel becos we did not literally fight… but it came up as an sms battle…

Towards the end of our dinner, when we are almost abt to leave… she told me a piece of news that is hurting and affecting her very much.. She said that the long secret that she has been holding on to, was let out of the bag to her parents.. Initially, before she mentioned abt this, I still tot of asking her, have they know the truth?? Never did I expect that in her mind, all along she intent to bury the secret together with her, thinking that her parents will never know the truth and they will not be hurt… So I asked how did they know it? Her reply was a villain purposely told them… But being very skeptical, perhaps in my dictionary, there is nothing called a forever secret.. let alone when there is more than 1 person knowing the secret..

Anyway, that is not impt. The impt thing is I said something that I shouldn’t have said… I really regretted starting it... Basing on my principle above, I mentioned that if the situation would have fall on me, I will not handle in this way… I will probably tell my parents all the truth, as I am someone who doesn’t really know how to hide my feelings very well… I rather be naked right from the beginning… Of cos it will be extremely hurting, and stressed, and pressurized… than to face an uncertainty (just like a bomb) of not knowing if the secret will be let out 1 day… so I probably will choose to handle in that way… But I never commented that the way she handles the issue is wrong… I know that everyone has their own thinking and way of handling things… But sad to say, she took it pretty hard… She started to put her focus on my comment and questioned me tat dun I think by telling my parents (who are natural worrier) is being very selfish??? My reply was, I dun think it is a selfish act… I do not want to lie or hide, so I will choose to say but I will try to reassure them that things will be fine… I know that even if I dun say, I would not be able to behave naturally in front of them… and they will still ultimately know the truth… That is how I will try to handle… So she continues to say that she choose to suffer alone instead of making her parents worry… We just happened to have different opinions.. But neither right nor wrong..

So after we left the restaurant, she continued to say that it was due to 1 person that makes this situation unrepairable… Now her parents know the secret and they are very affected by it… She was very angry with the villain, and in her heart, she had already cut ties with him…. So I can only say that sometimes, things just happened beyond our control… The villain is free to choose his own action without having to care abt the others…

I sense that we had this little argument (which we usually will have cos of our character).. So in the toilet, I tried to salvage the atmosphere by saying "probably I am not in your shoe… I may be saying this is how I will be handling, but when things really happened, I may react or behave in a different way"… But she din really response, just nodding her head… So I know the atmosphere is not entirely cleared..

While we were both heading towards where we part, I asked if she is clear of wat she wants… She say she wasn’t… and that is the problem… she is now in a dilemma, half hearted, not knowing what should be the best thing to do…. So she said she needs time…So I continue to ask if she had make cleared to her hubby of her stand and she say yes…

She continues to narrate how her hubby’s behavior was and she thinks he is not being responsible towards his own life… She is the down to earth person, but he is the idealistic one… If he has dreams, he should not just talk but must put real good actions/homework into it… I suddenly got this feeling that she actually views me in the same way too… I am equally idealistic and that is why she commented alot of wat she thinks of me (being idealistic, may dislike a job after a while and can never find the best job that I want) during my down time when I was pouring out to her… I may have think too much then... Anyway, continuing the story, so I asked if he ever tried to make changes or sacrifices… She replied that he will argued that he did… So I continue to ask a few more questions… but she started to say it is not easy to make me understand how their relationship was… Ya, I know I dun fully understand and that is why I asked… But she commented that a fren of hers will totally understand whenever they discussed abt the matter becos she knows him… At that point, I was thinking to myself, why does she have to make this comparison??? Does she just want me to agree with whatever she says instead of trying to understand the situation before commenting? Somehow, this very moment reminds me of a story between Sharon and myself..

Anyway, after we really part, I know we din end on a good note, so I decided to send her a message… This is where the real argument started… Sometimes I wonder, have I done too much or said too much that I shouldn’t have done?? Probably if she is reading this right now, she will definitely say yes… But to me, I just simply want to say I am sorry…I apologized to her for making her uncomfortable with my comments… I ended with asking her to consider things carefully… But I was taken aback by her 1st response… She said she find it amusing as she just want to share with me wat she was facing but turn out to be an argumentative situation of opinion clashes…and says that our focus in the first place is wrong (we shouldn’t be dwelling over whether to keep secret or to be frank) and she is feeling worse now… I know I am in the wrong to have started it.. so as a receiver of the message, I naturally got this feeling that she is blaming me, which I can understand, afterall I started my unwelcoming comments… So I immediately say I am terribly sorry once more and said it was all my fault… I asked if she could forgive and forget abt it… But her 2nd response though said is ok, but still emphasize that becos of my firm point of view, I was neglecting her feelings, but she wasn’t expecting me to fully understand... Again, if u are the receiver of this message, wat would u think?? I have said my apologies twice but all I have gotten back is “U have make me feel worse off and U have neglected my feelings”...

My reply to her saying that I sense her defensiveness over wat I have said and I did tried to back off by saying what I have said in the toilet… In the first place, I have never commented that how she handled the matter is wrong.. But I also want her to know that what she have been saying in the entire conversation wasn’t extremely fair to me too… By saying u won’t understand what I am going thru, is hard for u to know the in-depth feeling of wat has happened between them, is a selfish act for me to disclose the secret… I just can’t help but to think that is how she actually views me… Her 3rd response turns out to be quite explosive… She continues on to say that she can’t understand why am I so persistent in my view point and she sees no reason for that… I was thinking to myself, wat am I really persistent abt? Abt how I will be handling the secret? Or?? Wat is it?? If I was really persistent, that is also becos she question back my stand... She continue to say I shouldn’t be comparing her comments abt her hubby and my situation and asked why I link them up? Honestly, anyone would have compared becos she is talking to the 当事人 whose situation sounds so much similar to her hubby... She ended off concluding that she is a better off listener as the earlier part of the dinner was I sharing abt my job to her. She regretted bringing up her matters to me and is extremely disappointed… Again as the receiver of this message, what am I expected to feel?? It really seems to me that she had oso concluded tat I was not a good listener at all.. Then I ask her if she heard of 讲者无意, 听者有心? In order not to further strained our frenship, (if it has not been spolit), we should end it there… Again I apologize for wat have happened and say good nite to her..

I know when a person is down, no good words will come out… But all I want is try to let her know that 1) not all things will go according to how she wants it to be.. By making a pact with someone not to say it, doesn’t mean the secret will be kept forever, and that explains why I will choose to say it out right from the beginning.. (But I guess all she wants is to share and for me to listen and doesn’t need my teaching then) But it applies to her earlier topic of online shopping.. To me, just becos nothing happened before, doesn’t mean it won’t happen… All these are the reality of life… Apparently I failed terribly here as my approach is totally wrong…

2) I know I dun understand her situation fully and that is why I asked a lot of questions to assess… But after explaining for a while, her reply is always, U won’t understand, I can’t expect u to understand… Perhaps I really can’t understand becos I am not her... She ever commented that my life is boring (that is why I am always looking for new things) and peaceful without troubles and would never understand what she is has gone thru… Hmm, I am really not sure if that is a fair statement too… but I din want to challenge… Again I failed terribly to make her feel that I really care and wanted to help..

3) When she ended off with she is a better off listener, she regretted bringing up her matters to me and feel extremely disappointed, I was truly hurt… I din expect it to come from her… so does it mean that all these while, she never thinks I can listen to her stories and I always challenge her?? Perhaps my first comment really came at the wrong time, but I have already apologized twice for wat I have said… Perhaps I am expecting her to receive it with grace... Again, it boils to down to having wrong expectation.... I know she is facing a crisis right now… So I guess I am the wrong person she should be sharing it with..

Now, I started to think... Would I be willing wanting to share my things with her in future or subconsciously I would be pulling everything back?? I really don’t know… Perhaps the same will goes for her since she has such tot before…

But does it mean when a person is feeling really down, he/she would have all the rights to simply step on other people’s feeling too?? I know I have not handled this issue well but I oso dun think I deserve to receive such harsh replies from her... But it is all over now... Come to think of it, what an irony.. Earlier during the dinner, she was just asking why I have not been posting things in my blog.. and my reply was, I usually post unhappy things there as a pour out…