I realised I have been delaying writing my diary... I guess I am trying to settle down my tots before I hit here.. which I shouldn't have... I should just let all out..
Yesterday morning... I was awaken by 2 messages... 1 from my bro, asking me to help him check a tele # for his wedding photo shot... 1 from Peiyi... She told me a piece of news.. a news that I should have seen it coming... but just din feel the impact until i hear it... YF is getting married...
My mind started to spin... and I started to feel sad... Not that I still have any feelings what so ever for him... we din even started in the first place... A couple of years back, when I heard from the horse's mouth, admitting he is with her... I could still rem the picture in my head... It was in his car... I couldn't help it but my heart just sanked... I felt like all the signals, the messages that he had send me, was all me who interpret wrongly... even though later he did admit that is all his wrongdoings, but do i really deserves this? I just got this sense of betrayal... I just dun know why does it have to be me?
Ever since then, I have closed out my heart to anything he wanted to say... Like some people say, not giving any chance to him... but I really see no point in explaining... even if he explained, what help does it make?
But honestly, I really hates myself for taking it so hard, not being 大方 at all... but I just find it hard putting it down... The birthday wishes that he send me year after year are just like adding salt to the wound... a wound that is almost recovered after a year but again feels sore on my birthday... how cruel is that...
The most irony thing is I heard the couple is going to stay very near me in future... OMG... why does it have to have a sequel? I have tried so hard to get them out of my life, but it just keeps coming back...
I must be thinking too much lately... that makes me feel so down by such a news... If I am happily attached, will I still feel the same? Why are people happily getting married and I have to be so lonely?
No comments:
Post a Comment