Game Plan

Yesterday, I was having a tremendous headache at the back of my head... It even hurts my ear... Even when I watch F1, I couldn't really concentrate... During the night while I was sleeping, I felt a pain in my ear... This morning, I decided to see the doctor and took an mc... She din diagnose it to be anything serious but mentioned that my neck was extremely stift... causing to feel all the pain...

It was only the 2nd week of work and I can feel the stress is building on me again... The problem with me is I simply think too much... imagining things.... I can sense that there is a strong force of expectation from my boss... I dun know why... Though my intiution is not always right, but it already forms an impression which makes me to think and dwell further... Perhaps deep inside, I never have so much faith and confidence in my own abilities and thinks that I can never uplift their expectations on me...

While chatting with the doctor, I intended to tell her about my plight... I guess I just need to have more support and 认同 in my thoughts.... I desperately need that... Is like I have become the character in 1 of the TVB show who doesn't know or dare to make a decision... I was quite 安慰 when she told me this "You got to be brave"... I felt an instant booster... Even though it is just a simple sentense, I felt I am not alone... Many people have been telling me I have to make my own decision... But I am starting to feel that ability of mine is slowing diminishing... which is very scary sometimes... Suddenly, I recalled the message that Andrew send yesterday... If I know what I want, I should go for it, and do it... I hope I can just be like that....

Now my game plan is, just like tennis, every player should have a game plan... To work in this job and see if I really enjoy or not... not using any imagination... but totally feeling it... and meanwhile, to constantly check out if Metta school is hiring... Since I have already written to them, there isn't much I can do now but to wait.... I think I can still do these 2 things... hopefully as days goes by, I will see some light as to where I really want to be....