Lost

My 2nd day at the new work place... Lots and lots of feelings.... But most of them, are kinda undescribable...

First of all, the new environment is consider really cool... But too cool to be true, for me at least... Perhaps I am just not used to it... Finger print to access the doors, pantry area is like a Kitchen, the whole office is in glass doors.... Cool huh... BUT... I don't feel anything about it... Instead, I feel 格格不入.... I start to wonder, "Is there something wrong with me?" But feelings are no right or wrong.... When people see techy stuff or impressive setting, they will be delighted or impressed... But what I can feel is strange...

I always tell myself that beginning is always the hardest to go thru, I know it, I really do... However, I realise knowing it and managing the feeling behind it is totally different... This time round, I have this strong feeling telling me something is just not right... Be it the job scope, the 'atas' things that I have been seeing for these 2 days, everything...

Today, I was out for almost half a day to see the showrooms... u know where? Reflections condo... Wow.. the showroom is really impressive... I dun think I will ever go there cos obviously I dun have the $$ to own 1... can't even dream of it... Again, instead of having pleasant feelings, I got the opposite... I am just not into it... Later we were drove around Sentosa Cove and along the way, it passed by a familar place... interview... Not worth mentioning too much...

All these that I have seen just makes me feel that I am already very 幸福... But the strange thing is, is not that I own them, why am I feeling that? I have this 'reversed' feeling that is constantly going inside me.... I dun know how else to describe it beside reversed.... I guess I am just being 犯贱..

Now.... All I want is to be truthful to myself.... Putting everything aside... Ok, clear ur mind... Think carefully, do I really want to go into special needs teaching??? It is really something meaningful... But I am just scared that I will have the same feeling as how I am feeling now.... I really hate myself to think so much which resulted in dilemma always.... On top of that, I will have to accept a drastic pay cut... Talking about this, I got this irony feeling when I was in the car this afternoon.... The HR was saying that she was thinking of going to be a social worker but they only pay $2K... "How to survive? How to face friends?" That was along the same line that I am thinking... But should I really bother what others think? Or should I just be true to myself?

Actually, I already have an answer in my heart... I do not have to answer to anyone except for myself..

End of Long Holiday

So long I did not update my movements... In Jan and Feb 09, I was simply busy creating my own little website.. http://www.enchantedmomentos.com/

Some pictures of my products... Pls go to my website to view more.

Though the sales are not that fantastic, but am still proud to have start up a little online shop... all by myself..

Now is the 3rd month of the year... Lately I have watched 2 Jap movies... K20 and Suspect X... They are both very nice shows... Suspect X has this sad and 'couldn't help but to cry' ending... It makes me feel that everyone of us could make a difference in someone's else life, even how 渺小 we are...

My long holiday is about to end... As lately, I have secured myself with a new job... At this timing full of retrenchment, I should count myself really lucky... I hope I have made a right choice..